SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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