Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
