so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
