i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if only i could text you this smell
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
