you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
