YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
