do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
