I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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