Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
