I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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