I think my vagina is haunted
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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