At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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