So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
