She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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