I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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