I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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