I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she peed on how many people?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
