i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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