i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize