What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
