Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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