I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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