Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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