4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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