Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am midnight drunk by noon
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
