would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
