How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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