omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i came on her dog
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
