Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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