Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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