My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
