the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
