So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
