dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
