The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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