the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
