im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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