her vagine was all disorganized.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
