I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
