this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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