I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
