names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
