dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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