Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
