That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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