ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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