my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
