I just cut my nipple shaving
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
