How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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