New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
