We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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