Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
