just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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