if i can run in heels then i can drive
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
