Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
