I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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