I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
