in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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