so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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