oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
