once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
