My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
