so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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