bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
