Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
