I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
