oh god the rape fog is back!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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