I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
