your room smells of hookers.
And success
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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