Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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